Thoughts

I was never good with change. I used to feel anxious and panicky every single time I had to do something different or deal with a whole new set of people (I still do). I like my comfort. I like my routine. I like predictability. I kept telling myself whenever I settled into a cushy routine: "I wish this would last forever, these would be my constant for the rest of my life". 

Boy, was I really naive.

Circumstances changed. We did some growing up and explored different paths. People changed. My close-knit group of friends whom I used to talk to every single day were busy and I had to put in a lot of effort to keep in touch (even though this was not reciprocated - but hey, I didn't mind). Plans fell through and I learned that 99.9% of the time, I would get frustrated that people would bail out or worse, don't reply at all. Dealing with new people with their whole new different set of attitudes was draining. But, as all human beings do, I adapted. 

I guess I wanted to write this down because I felt like I'm constantly being slapped by reality. Your best friends don't stay your best friends for the rest of your life. You might like doing something now but who knows what you will want in 3 years? Problems evolve but so do you. Dealing with people can be exhausting - often times this takes the biggest effort.

Change is inevitable, they say. I feel like a huge part of me is still figuring things out and I'm unable to cope with unpleasant things. But I guess I will adapt. I always do.